Being desi from a young age we are told  that ‘blood is thicker than water.’ You ‘live by the sword and die by the sword’. While family relationships can bring support, joy, and other wonderful benefits  into our lives, these relationships can also bring stress, particularly when there’s unresolved conflict.

Now a days I see so many people fighting –Husband and wife, Brother and Sister, Mother in law with her Daughter in law. A common problem for pretty much most Asian households and perhaps that is why they form the crux of so many of our superhit tv shows! The common dispute that is shown is that between a ‘saas and her bahu’  with both wanting to take on the responsibility of the house. One feels she is losing a son while the other feels she is losing quality time with her husband. At times the poor husband gets stuck in between, unable to choose between the two women he loves. But there is always the VERY rare scenario where the Mother and daughter in law actually get along. If one is lucky to get a great Mother in law I would say, do not let her go for dear life. Many women say ‘my daughter in law is like my daughter’ however the reality is very different and we often see in the news the terrible treatment many young women face such as beatings, verbal abuse and emotional blackmail at the hands of their Mother in laws. It’s a sad reality that is especially prevalent in Asian Houses today.

Having a fight with family can be incredibly tough-as it can cause significant strain within a family unit and can often lead to conflicts that run through generations. More and more children feel that their sibling is being given more love, attention or right over their parents assets and this is another major cause of disputes in today’s day and age. Many parents also have a tendency to favour their son over their daughter, leading to a growing resentment for many women. Another common issue is property which can lead to irrevocable differences between siblings!

Once a conflict has gone on awhile, even if both parties move on and remain polite, the feelings of pain and mistrust usually linger beneath the surface, and are difficult to resolve.

Today I asked viewers,

  • What types of issues do you face in your family?
  •  How did you resolve a family dispute?

My parents have helped countless people resolve their marital issues, family issues and many more. Having seen them deal with them in great depth these are some of the TOP TIPS they offered when it came to resolving domestic disputes:

  • Try To Resolve The Conflict: At a time when all the family isn’t gathered, ask the person if they’d like to discuss and resolve what happened in the past. If (and only if) you and the other person seem to want to resolve things and are open to seeing one another’s point of view, this could be a constructive idea. Seeing where each of you may have misunderstood the other or behaved in a way you would change if you could, offering sincere apologies, and in other ways resolving the conflict can heal the relationship for the future.
  • Forgive and Forget: If it looks like such a civil meeting of the minds is unlikely, don’t push it. It’s probably a good idea to try to forgive the other person and let it go. Forgiving doesn’t mean opening yourself up to feel wronged again; it only means that you let go of your feelings of resentment and anger. You can be careful in what you expect from this person in the future without actively harbouring resentment, and you’ll be the one to benefit the most. 
  • Cut The Person Out of Your Life: If what the other person did was abusive and there’s absolutely no remorse or reason to expect things to be different in the future, you can severely limit your dealings with this person, or cut off contact altogether. This is normally a last-resort choice, but in cases of abuse, it’s sometimes a necessary one to make for your own emotional health.
  • Cut The Person Out of Your Life: If what the other person did was abusive and there’s absolutely no remorse or reason to expect things to be different in the future, you can severely limit your dealings with this person, or cut off contact altogether. This is normally a last-resort choice, but in cases of abuse, it’s sometimes a necessary one to make for your own emotional health.